Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
