she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
