i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize