if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
