Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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