I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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