When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
