a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize