he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
