wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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