for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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