i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
