When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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