Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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