youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
