in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When did angry sex become our thing?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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