he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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