she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
