I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
