Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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