Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
