the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
