I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's always time for handjobs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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