I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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