I'm so fucking centered right now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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