Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
