I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
