New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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