how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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