Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
