our cab driver is having phone sex.
love makes seman taste better
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
