Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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