She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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