The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
