you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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