If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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