I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
