if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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