1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Text me some of your sweat
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