I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
