just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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