only if we run a train.
done.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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