You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
