Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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