According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
