She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
