you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize