And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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