well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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