I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm having to shit out rocks
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