Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
