Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
