it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
