Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
