Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize