Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
