i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
