There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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