I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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