very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i've created a new STD.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
