My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
