Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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