dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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